Ben, I’m sure you would agree that fingernails are gross. Why do you think some men and women choose to paint them? Yeah, maybe they’re making a statement, but it’s a double whammy: they get to make a statement and cover up these yucky little things attached to our fingers. Our fingernails get dirt underneath them. This is especially true when we don’t keep them trimmed. Some people say “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine…” Gross! And furthermore I’ve watched a lot of Law and Order… what are you trying to frame us for? And let’s top this huge piece of disgusting pie with a festering cherry: some people chew their nails. Ugh Benjamin, I’m sickened just thinking about fingernails, so I’m going to stop and let you pray… Gross, I just remembered boogers.