Ben, that last one really hit home. This one does too, I’m just glad I don’t have to write a prayer about… acne! You know the stuff don’t you? Or, were you born with that 5 o’clock shadow of yours? Acne is a plaguing and embarrassing thing. Medications can cause it, stress can cause it, being a teenager can cause it, anything and/or nothing can cause it… but it seems like we humans, old and young, are stuck with it. So, God must be in it somewhere… right?
Challenge #9 Dandruff
Challenge #8 Stuffed Animals
Yeah Ben, that’s right, stuffed animals. Obviously not any old stuffed animals. Stuffed animals in store windows and other glass cages are fine. What I’m talking about are kids’ favorite stuffed animals. The one they drag through preschool with them, sliding it along the table during snack time, laying on it like a pillow on the floor during nap time, and sucking on it all the time! I’m talking about the stuffed animals who announce kids’ entrance. “Oh, stop s-w-e-a-r-i-n-g hunny, I can smell Timmy coming.” Those are the stuffed animals I’m talking about, the ragged, beaten, broken, and rank stuffed animals that even parents who sleep with their living-breathing animals won’t allow into their beds.
Challenge #7 Boogers
Challenge #6 Fingernails
Ben, I’m sure you would agree that fingernails are gross. Why do you think some men and women choose to paint them? Yeah, maybe they’re making a statement, but it’s a double whammy: they get to make a statement and cover up these yucky little things attached to our fingers. Our fingernails get dirt underneath them. This is especially true when we don’t keep them trimmed. Some people say “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine…” Gross! And furthermore I’ve watched a lot of Law and Order… what are you trying to frame us for? And let’s top this huge piece of disgusting pie with a festering cherry: some people chew their nails. Ugh Benjamin, I’m sickened just thinking about fingernails, so I’m going to stop and let you pray… Gross, I just remembered boogers.
Challenge #5 Snow Sludge
Snow Sludge: After a beautiful snowfall everything is covered in a pure white blanket. But after a few days, when the weather starts to warm up that snow turns into a wet sludge mixed with all the grim and dirt of the city. This photo was taken right out side my church in Brooklyn. So Chase, where is God in this sludge?
Challenge #04 Smog
Smog is a portmanteau of the words smoke and fog. The word was intended to refer to London’s pea soup fog. This smog is caused by burning large amounts of coal within a city and contains soot particulates from smoke, sulfur dioxide and other stuff. Modern smog is a type of air pollution derived from the emissions of internal combustion engines and industrial fumes that react in the atmosphere with sunlight to form secondary pollutants that also combine with the primary emissions to form photochemical smog. The atmospheric pollution levels of Los Angeles, Mexico City and other cities are increased by inversion that traps pollution close to the ground. It is usually highly toxic to humans and can cause severe sickness, shortened life or death. I wonder what post-modern smog will be like? -wikipedia
Who doesn’t love a portmanteau? Bonne chance, Benjamin!
Challenge #03 Gastroenteritis
The Challenger: Ben
Alright, Chase, here’s one based on recent personal experience, and during which I could have used some serious prayers: Gastroenteritis or infectious diarrhea is a medical condition characterized by inflammation (“-itis”) of the gastrointestinal tract that involves both the stomach (“gastro”-) and the small intestine (“entero”-), resulting in some combination of diarrhea, vomiting, and abdominal pain and cramping.Gastroenteritis has also been referred to as gastro, stomach bug, and stomach virus. Although unrelated to influenza, it has also been called stomach flu and gastric flu.
Challenge #02 The Blobfish
The Challenger: Chase
The Blobfish is a deep-sea fish that inhabits the coastal waters of Australia, Tasmania, and New Zealand. Typically shorter than 30 cm, they live at depths between 600 and 1,200 m (2,000 and 3,900 ft) where the pressure is several dozen times higher than at sea level, which would likely make gas bladders inefficient for maintaining buoyancy. Instead, the flesh of the Blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. Its relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats in front of it such as deep-ocean crustaceans. Due to its low density flesh, the Blobfish’s shape is very different when it is out of water.
Ahh! Jabba-the-fish! Good luck Benjamin, I’ll pray for you as you try to pray with this!
Challenge #01 The Phorid Fly
The Challenger: Ben
The Mysterious Theologian: Chase
The Phorid Fly. Don’t let this benign image fool you! The Phorid Fly’s most endearing characteristic is that some “species reproduce by laying eggs in the thorax of the ant. The first instar larvae migrate to the head. The larvae develop by feeding on the hemolymph, muscle tissue, and nervous tissue in the head. Eventually, the larvae completely devour the ant’s brain, causing it to do nothing but wander aimlessly for approximately two weeks. After about two to four weeks, they cause the ant’s head to fall off by releasing an enzyme that dissolves the membrane attaching the ant’s head to its body. The fly pupates in the detached head capsule, requiring a further two weeks before emerging.” –Wikipedia.